Researchers are Diagnosed as a Last Resort

I am going to use this lovely little corner of the world wide web to document my experience starting my own company and hopefully building something that can last for many future generations. As a talented musician and hair artist, I would like to build something that can showcase all of my talents and gifts while being an invaluable resource for the community. Being very capable with the art of styling hair and with getting to know people and enjoying their company, I believe starting a business using these things I'm proficient at would be a good step in a good direction for me. I have a gift and it's my responsibility to give it to the world. I think there must be a way to explain the cost and time - value of services to clients in a way that is efficient and fair to the client and the artist involved. There's a lot of crooked business that goes on in the beauty industry and I intend to do something about it - i intend to bring honesty and integrity to the business, in a way that is fair and profitable to the artist but not robbing the guest of their wits and experience.
And in the way that things normally don't sit right with me when I don't understand them, so is the perspective of the loss of beauty. I had always disagreed with these people saying that they didn't understand the beauty was in the awareness, or the display, or the grotesque extrapolation of relationships. But after watching "Why Beauty Matters" by Philosopher Roger Scruton I have to say that it suddenly makes more sense. There is something beautiful all around you if you are willing to see it - and it is the artist's job to bring attention to that which is beautiful. I believe, in this way, we can all be right about what we consider to be worth attaining (as far as beauty inside or out goes).
I'm having trouble on focusing on what exactly it was I was aiming at accomplishing when I started this journal. I thought, at first, I would document this experience that I am going to have trying to build some sort of system and art from the ground up. But as I'm looking at prices for shears and talking to my friends about moving down, and hearing the tone of my grandmother's voice and the tone of Oki's voice, oh, it seems so great. I am really excited about it. But I'm scared - petrified. I've made mistakes before - drastic ones, in dealing with people, coworkers, clients, friends, and family. I worry that I will repeat similar or even more drastic mistakes. I'm sure I will too, and I know that shouldn't stop me - I know there's a learning curve and I know I can't have the answers for everything. I just want to make sure my heart is in the right place doing this. I would absolutely hate to be 5-10 years into some sort of investment and then find out I was completely wrong about something - or find out that something is completely different than I expected.
I know, this is going to happen too, and I should be scared of acting just because things of conflict will happen, just because adversity exists. In fact, the fact that mistakes are made so often should encourage me to be more excited and gung-ho about getting involved with doing things, trying things more often, new things, new experiences, this should be something that I want to practice - because the more I do it, the better surely I will get at these things.
There's something I think I'm not taking into consideration though - actually, no,m I know I am not taking it into consideration. My health. I'm no good for this long term - chemical systems/cardio thing. I sweat so much, and there will be added challenges now - the dog, the cat, the amazing but still human life partner - surely he'll have problems with columbus that for some reason i can't predicat now and won't be able to "fix" or "repair" in the future. And if I had perfect health or if there were no added difficulties, this wouldn't be so daunting. But considering my history I am just so freaking scared that I am capable of doing just really stupid things.

It's ok. really stupid is ok. I can learn. I can make mistakes, I can take advice from peers, and I can make changes and improvements. I can make movements in the direction of the life I want to live. I can be a little healthier, walk a little more, smile more often, watch more videos, read more books, take more notes, and fall in love with everything I am in love with all over again as many times as I want - it's ok to be excited, giddy, hopeful, and in general looking forward to the future.

Also, things like this give me hope for the future, for everything. Check it out:
The Living Matrix: The Science of Healing

The Thinking Girl